you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
