i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
