So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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