You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I want to fling myself into the sun
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
