that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I want a musical about memes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
