please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
