Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
