from now on my penis is your penis
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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