I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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