umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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