i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
