There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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