Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
