Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
