ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
