She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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