direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
