someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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