remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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