and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
