She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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