what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
