I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
