She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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