i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
