she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
