He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
