Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
