Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
