I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
