I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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