Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize