I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
