Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i've created a new STD.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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