First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize