I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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