Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
