Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I will be naked everywhere
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
