So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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