I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
