if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
