It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
