he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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