Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
