He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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