2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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