i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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