I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
