i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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