Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
