Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize