I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
