I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
