if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
