I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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