there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
