i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize