On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
