i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
