I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
