You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
