Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it was like eating out sand paper
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
