Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Randomize
