I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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