okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
