i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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