how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
bring money and cleavage
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
