That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
