Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
