i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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