It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
