Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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