You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
