They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
