I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize