dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
