I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
