Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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