what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
