I will die if light touches me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
