i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
