this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
