I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize