marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
