Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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