Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize