Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
