Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
