I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
