I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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