sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
