all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
