"it" just moved
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
