you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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