The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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