none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
