i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
